Here are all the people who I know. Some of them think they are keeler than me, but that’s impossible because I’m actually the keelest person that has ever lived.
Everyone thinks I’m a loser because of my name but I’m actually the keelest person that has ever lived.
Bunky is my best friend, apart from when he annoys me and I send him home to think about how naughty he’s been.
Mostly my dad just goes to work then comes back again.
Darren is the crocodile-faced pig nose from my class. His favourite drink is Fronkle, and he drinks about eight million cans a day, which is why he’s got such a fat head.
Desmond Loser the Second
Desmond ius my annoying little brother. All he can do is poos and wees and cry.
This is my mum. Sh’s either shouting at me or giving me a cuddle. Don’t tell anyone, but she calls me Snookyflumps.
Nancy is Bunky’s next-door neighbour and my second best friend. Unless I’ve had an argument with Bunky, then she’s my first.
Bunky recons Sharonella fancies me, which wouldn’t surprise me, seeing as my mum says I’m the most handsome boy in the whole world.
Fay is one of those poeple who just hangs around in the background playing it comperleeterly unkeel.
Gaspar is always taking photos of stuff with his stupid camera, mostly to go in our school newspapper, The Daily Poo
Gordon Smugly has the most perfect name for himself ever, because he is smug and ugly, and he looks like a Gordon.